


We've Laughed Before and Loved Before

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [9]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Family, Friendship, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-23 15:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6121006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Ed didn’t do those things because he was suddenly soft in doing his job.  He did them because he trusted me to be good cop and a decent person, so I did my best to return the favor if I could.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We've Laughed Before and Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

> I am so excited for more canon Tuckson…soooooo excited.

“I get it! I get it!” Noah rushed toward the door in his socked feet when he heard the knocking.

Ed scooped the toddler up under his arm as if he weighed no more than a bag of groceries. Noah had been vocal and excitable all morning so his reaction was no surprise. He couldn’t reach the door knob to turn it but even under Ed’s arm he tried.

“Oh.” Ed’s smile faded just a bit when he saw Rafael Barba. “We thought you were Lucy.”

“Sorry about that.” Rafael stepped over the threshold. “I have two arraignments this morning so I’m driving Olivia to the courthouse. It’s nice to see you again, Captain.”

“You too, Counselor.”

“Hi Barpa!” Noah exclaimed, waving from under Ed’s arm.

“Good morning, Noah.” Rafael smiled at him. “Getting a free ride to the door I see.”

“Olivia, ADA Barba is here to take you to the courthouse.”

“Oh, I…I thought you would just call up. I’ll be right out.”

“She’ll be right out. It’s been a bit of a hectic morning.” He picked Noah up and sat him on his shoulder. “Someone is excited for absolutely no reason at all.”

“Well he doesn’t have to go to school or work so I think that would be reason enough.” Rafael said. “I would've brought you a cup of coffee if I knew you were here, Captain.”

“It’s OK, I've got some brewing in the kitchen as we speak. I can't even believe I'm able to hold a proper conversation with you, Counselor.” Ed put Noah down on the carpet. “Go in your room and get your sneakers and backpack, bud; Lucy’ll be here any minute.”

“OK.” Noah rushed off yelling goodbye to Barpa as he went.

“Barpa?” Ed raised an eyebrow.

“It was his first word.” Rafael smiled thinking about it. “He had a better grasp on his Ps than his Bs at the time. I think it just stuck. If you don’t mind my asking, what does Noah call you?”

“Captain Ed. He's got a good handle on Ed and is still working on Captain. Since he calls Don Cragen the same I think he’ll get it sooner rather than later.” Ed walked into the kitchen and poured the desperately needed coffee. He would be able to finish getting dressed once the nanny came to take Noah to daycare. 

Right now he was only dressed in slacks, trouser socks, and a Hanes tee shirt. “I think the two of us communicate pretty well. He's mastered most of his flash cards so I’m going to get him a new set. He understands almost everything around him even when he chooses not to articulate it.”

Rafael nodded, not quite believing he was having a conversation with Ed Tucker. And it wasn’t about police or the weather. He was talking to him about Olivia’s toddler son. A little boy that Rafael knew pretty well and didn’t think Ed knew at all. 

Though he suspected Olivia and Ed might be dating or even having sex, this picture of domestic bliss never entered his mind. Ed being so jovial and casual in conversation, even while half-dressed, was also a bit of a shock. Rafael didn’t know what to say. He checked his watch and hoped Liv emerged from the bedroom soon.

“I'm almost ready, Barba.” Liv stuck her head out of the bedroom door. “I just…Ed, where is my shield?”

“I don't know, baby, I didn’t move it. Check the top drawer. Sometimes on busy mornings it can fall in.” he looked at Barba. “Add my dog to the mix and there is even more chaos.”

“What kind of dog do you have?” he asked.

“A Labrador retriever named Ronin.”

“They're nice dogs.” Rafael gave a friendly nod, still not sure how to go about having what most would deem a normal conversation with Ed Tucker. It wasn’t incredibly difficult but that didn’t mean his mind wasn’t blown. The man was no Brian Cassidy, that’s for sure. And that was a really good thing. 

“Got shoes!” Noah was running again. He had his Cookie Monster sneakers in one hand and his Super Grover backpack in another. He and his mother almost collided as she was attaching her shield to her hip. Olivia crouched down to give him a hug and kiss as Ed took the sneakers.

“Be good in daycare today, Mister. No throwing and no time outs. I mean it.” She kissed his forehead.

“OK mommy.”

“And you…” she smiled at Ed before giving him a tentative kiss on the lips. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” He smiled, not wanting to embarrass her in front of the ADA but not letting her just walk out the door either. Ed kissed her again, this one just a bit more involved than the last. “Be careful out there.”

“Ditto.” Turning to Rafael, Olivia put on a smile. “Thank God you brought coffee.”

“It even has the gingerbread creamer you like so much. C'mon, we have to go.”

Olivia opened the door just as Lucy was about to knock. There was a bit of chaos followed by laughter. Rafael said a quick hello and goodbye as he and Liv made their way down the stairs, out the door, and started walking to the car. The cold front was back in Manhattan; the temperature was lingering just above freezing.

“Coffee.” Liv moaned, grabbing the 16 oz. cup from the paper holder Rafael was carrying.

“It looks as if you can use some.”

“It’ll actually be my second cup, though my first one was small so it doesn’t count. It was a pretty busy morning.”

“I saw a little of that.” He said. “I saw more than I thought I would.”

“Yeah.” Liv nodded and cleared her throat. 

She wasn’t even sure what to say next. It wasn’t like they could ignore what happened upstairs. She wasn’t ashamed of anything she had with Ed. Honestly, she just expected Rafael to call up and not knock on the door. He rarely did that but she deluded herself into thinking he would and she wouldn’t have to explain just yet. 

When did she think would be a good time to tell him? At her wedding? At his? Liv was almost positive that something had changed in his friendship with Trevor Langan but the three of them hadn’t spent tons of time together lately. Neither had she and Rafael. 

Work was pulling them in too many different directions and they struggled to meet in the middle. It looked as if both the lieutenant and the ADA’s love lives might be rekindling. Could it be possible that they were both in a good thing at the same time? This wasn’t something to be discussed in a relatively short trip to Hogan Place.

“We can talk about it later.” Rafael said, using the keyless entry to unlock the car.

“OK.” She said.

“Its fine, Liv. I mean I have questions and wide eye glances to give and perhaps some suspicious looks but…it’s fine. We’re fine.”

“Seriously?” she got in the car and looked at him. Olivia always knew if Rafael was being less than honest.

“Drink your coffee. It’s going to be a long day and I got the gingerbread creamer that you like.”

***

“Yes, Carmen.” Rafael pressed the button on his desk intercom.

“Olivia Benson is here to see you.”

“Oh, send her in.”

Rafael sat up in his chair. He had been leaning back, reclining his feet on the desk as he read over some case files for a court appearance he hoped ended in talks of a plea agreement. Olivia walked into the office, shaking some of the light snowfall off her scarf and hair.

“I brought you something.”

“Gimme.” Rafael smiled.

“It’s fruit salad.” She said.

“Oh my god, from the guy halfway?”

“Yeah.”

They called him the guy halfway because the fruit salad and smoothie cart was halfway between Hogan Place and the 16th Precinct. Rafael and Olivia went there all the time, even more in the spring and summer than this time of the year. But winter rarely stopped people from going there for a healthy treat.

“I'm so glad to have this.” Rafael came from around his desk. “If I eat one more salted pecan I'm going to be the size of a zeppelin. “Sit down.”

Olivia took her coat off and went to sit down on the couch. Rafael joined her, popping open the hard plastic top.

“I got exactly what you like; honeydew, cherries, white grapes, and clementine oranges.”

“This is surely going to be the best part of my day.” He popped a cherry into his mouth.

“So about this morning…?”

“We don’t have to talk about anything that makes you uncomfortable. I suspected for some time that something might be going on with you and Ed Tucker. What happened during the Abraham case made it more obvious for me.”

“We’ve been seeing each other for a while.” She said.

“What's a while?”

“When Nick was going through the issues with his father, IAB got involved. It was inevitable. Ed decided that he wasn’t going to make things harder for Amaro. He gave him the benefit of the doubt and that was the second time he’d done that when he was facing a potential huge investigation. We met up to discuss it and he bought me a drink. 

“That was it, nothing more. A few months later, with the whole Johnny D trial, he gave me room to do my job despite a potential conflict of interest. Ed didn’t do those things because he was suddenly soft in doing his job. He did them because he trusted me to be good cop and a decent person, so I did my best to return the favor if I could.”

“I'm thinking that you could.” Rafael offered her a piece of fruit.

“After Noah’s adoption was finalized, he asked me out for a celebratory dinner.” Liv said. “I politely declined though we’d had three drinks before that. Then a few weeks later he shows up early as hell in my office with a gift for Noah. I can't even tell you what I was thinking but I asked him out to brunch the next day. So we went out to brunch.”

“I have to be honest and say that’s a bit longer than I imagined.”

“There were some stutter steps along the way, honestly. Well I fell right on my face but that’s another story for another time. We’ve been serious since August. We both made sure it was something we wanted and we’re both a little too old with too many responsibilities to just be casual about this kind of thing. I was feeling things I never expected; Ed was smitten. So here we are.”

“You're telling me that he loves you.” Rafael said.

“I love him too. I told him this morning, I…”

“What?” 

“I told him this morning.” Liv said.

“I was there.”

“I've never…it was the first time.”

“Wow, how did it feel?” Rafael asked.

“I don’t even know!” Liv looked at him. “I just said it. I mean, I meant it but I just said it…it was instinctual. He didn’t call me on it.”

“That might be a conversation you two have later.”

“So, we’re OK?”

“Liv, you loving someone is never going to upset me. Can I be honest and say I never liked Brian though? I'm sorry, I tried, but I just didn’t. He wasn’t right for you but it was never my place to say. While you were happy then I tried to be happy too. I never want to put a monkey wrench in something that makes you happy or in our friendship. I don’t know Ed well, personally, so I can't say. But I know you’ve been through some hell lately and I feel better knowing someone who loves you is taking care of you. I know you can take care of yourself but…”

“I hear you.” She nodded. “This is good for me. I don’t know how to put it in all the right words yet, and I know I don’t have to but people will want to know. It’s not a secret, Rafael, I'm done with secrets like that. 

“I want to be happy and Ed makes me happy. We make each other happy. My squad is going to go nuts but I learned a long time ago, the very hard way that you can't live for the squad. You just have to live.”

“I should probably tell you something.” He said.

“If this is going to be about getting back with Trevor, don’t even bother.” Liv smiled as she took a piece of orange. “First of all, he's Noah’s godfather and I see him at least once a week. He's always smiling; glowing as a matter of fact. Second, Noah told me months ago that he spends Thursdays with Uncle and Barpa now. That little one can talk up a storm when he wants to. I'm suspecting it was probably right around the time your grandmother passed away, when you kinda fell off the map for two weeks…which I understood of course.”

“I was at Trevor’s, yeah. But it was some time after that. He was just being a friend then and I appreciated it more than words can express. I love him, Liv. If I'm honest with myself, I don’t think I've ever loved anyone else. This is a second chance I'm not even sure I deserve so I have to make the most of it.”

Liv smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. She was happy for the two of them. She knew how much Trevor loved Rafael. Even when they were just friends she could feel it coming off of him in waves. The ADA made his knees weak. 

And she thought that was fantastic. Liv wasn’t privy to what made the relationship end the first time around but it wasn’t something that broke their bond. Time was just waiting for the right moment to knock them both over the head. If anything good could ever come from the sudden death of a loved one, it was something like this.

“I'm joyous for the both of you. I think you're perfect for each other. He’s a good yin to your yang.”

“I think we’re going to get married soon.” Rafael said. “God, saying something like that used to make me break out in hives. Now I just want to be with him, all day every day. We’re going to have a big fight about where to live though. It’s been a point of contention lately as we float between two places.”

“Trevor is a society whore; he’ll love the condo.” Liv said.

“Well it’s not as if he lives in a hovel, though his place is smaller than mine. I would have to be willing to sacrifice an entire redecoration. He'd want to make it our space.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“I feel like I'd rather sell and buy our space. Space for us, Noah for eventual weekends, the dog Trevor will inevitably want to own to make it all perfectly domestic. What about you?”

“What about me?” she looked at him. “Oh nooooo. Not even thinking about something like that. No.”

“Why not?”

“Its…we’re…just not yet. You can say it’s serious, that’s the truth. But Ed’s been married before and I've almost always been on my own…it’s not an easy decision to make.”

“What if he asked you?” Rafael asked. “What if he asked you tonight?”

“I’d kick him really hard in the shin.” Liv replied. She reached into the plastic container for a cherry. “Then I’d say yes, and be engaged for at least a year before I even started planning.”

“You’d say yes though?” he nudged her shoulder with his own.

“Yeah, I would.”

***

She walked into the apartment and was immediately greeted by the comforting smell of food. As Liv stripped off her coat and winter accessories, she noticed that no one seemed to be around.

“Hey, I'm home.”

“Mommy!”

“Hey sweetie.”

Noah came running out of his bedroom and straight for her arms. He was using his hands to hold tight to a large helmet on his head so he wouldn’t fall over. Liv picked him up in her arms, lifting it off so she could give him a kiss hello. Ed had a cardboard box on his head, the front cut out and magic marker designs on it clearly drawn by both him and Noah.

“What did I come home to?” she asked.

“We’re playing astronaut and space alien from the planet trash can.” Ed replied. “I get to be the alien.”

“The planet trash can?” Liv raised an eyebrow.

“Noah wanted to pick the name of the planet.” Ed smiled as she walked into his arms and they shared a hello kiss. “I was almost from the planet gummy bear. I thought we needed something more hardcore.”

“The cardboard box is a good look for you. Maybe you can wear it later…and not much else.”

“Hey now. Noah, earmuffs bud.”

The toddler covered his ears as his mom put him down on the carpet.

“I can't believe you taught him that.” She laughed.

“Sean taught him that, and it actually comes in pretty handy.”

“What do I smell?”

“Dinner. Noah has already eaten, I wasn’t sure if you had the energy for bath tonight and since tomorrow was Friday I thought he could go without and wash up in the morning. But he has a full belly and plenty of play time. I'm making meatloaf, macaroni and cheese, and artichokes for us.”

“Oh my god, that sounds sooooo good. I had a really small lunch today.”

“Do you want to take a hot shower and put on some relaxing clothes?”

“I really do.” Liv kissed him. “You're a helluva guy, Ed Tucker.”

“Don’t tell anyone. I have an asshole reputation to uphold. I've cultivated and honed it over many, many years.”

“Your secret is safe with me. Hey Noah, come on in mommy’s room and tell her all about your day.” Liv started walking with Noah to the bedroom, who had finally uncovered his ears. “So you and Captain Ed seemed to be playing a fun game…”

000

“Do you want a bit more wine?” Ed asked as he gathered their dinner plates and took them to the kitchen.

Liv nodded, making the noise of a satisfied cat and knowing that even without words Ed understood what that meant. She’d taken a hot shower, had some quality Noah time, eaten a delicious filling meal, and now it was time to lie back and relax. Quiet storm music played on the satellite radio; Roberta Flack and her piano making the most beautiful melodies. Liv curled against the big pillow on the couch, pulled her knees into her chest, and just sighed.

“I don’t have to ask you if you liked dinner.” 

“It was amazing. How can something as simple as meatloaf be so amazing?”

“The ketchup-barbecue sauce glaze is what makes it, for sure. That’s Grandma Tucker’s official recipe and you cannot go wrong if you stick to it to the letter. Noah and I being able to cook together was just an added bonus. I like involving him in as many things as I can; that was how I learned.”

“He thinks you're pretty awesome.” Liv said. She closed her eyes for just a moment, promising herself not to fall asleep but knowing if she did it would be OK too.

“The feeling is mutual. You should've seen us today, trying to cut a face hole in a cardboard box with safety scissors...it was hysterical. I had to leave, do it right, and then come back. I told Noah it was Captain Ed magic.”

“I'm sure he believed you. If Captain Ed said it then it must be true.”

Ed walked back into the living room with her wine and his bourbon. Joining her on the couch, Olivia exchanged the pillow for Ed’s side. He put his arm around her shoulder and they rested together. How could he tell her that he'd been waiting all day for this? The truth was that he hated leaving Olivia and Noah in the mornings. 

When they were together, things were really good. Work was a wonderful thing too…Ed had always loved and been good at his job. But it had been a while since he’d been in such a fulfilling outside relationship. He wanted to make Liv dinner and play space games with Noah. They could watch a movie together, a ball game, or even just listen to the radio saying very little and it was still so blissful. 

The only thing he needed to make it perfect was Ronin. Ed missed his dog; was used to spending quiet evenings hanging out with him in their Hell’s Kitchen apartment. He wanted to talk to Liv about bringing him over more when he stayed nights. How many nights should he stay? When would they think about him staying permanently or was this arrangement just fine for her?

“We haven’t talked in a while about how potty training is going.” Ed said. He kissed her forehead. “Tonight he told me that he went after the fact but didn’t tell me that he had to go. I know his delayed speech may have something to do with it even more so than not being able to grasp the potty concept.”

“At daycare he does 15 minutes after breakfast, lunch, and naptime on the potty.” Liv replied. “He is a bit delayed on when to say he wants to go potty but the teachers are feeling good about him learning. I need to integrate it more at home. Lucy will sit him down for about 20 minutes with one of his cartoons. If he tinkles, he gets a treat. I don't know, if seems like a Pavlovian dog thing and I don’t exactly like that but so many experts say it works.”

“It does. He gets used to going in a potty but also, he begins to know what it feels like, what to associate it with like going after meals, its trial and error but it works. I’ll help in any way that I can. Just tell me what you need me to do…I've been here before.”

“I know.” Liv looked at him and smiled. Then she tilted her chin up and kissed him. Ed caressed her face. “Thanks.”

“I love you, Livvie.”

“I'm kinda stuck with that silly name, aren’t I?”

“Not if you hate it.” Ed replied.

She didn’t hate it. She didn’t want to be called Livvie in public but she definitely didn’t hate it. It was something just for the two of them. She was his Livvie, he was her Teddy, and how ridiculous was it that they had adorable nicknames for each other and Liv didn’t want to puke about it. They were born of something natural, funny, and a little bit sexy; how could she not love it.

“You know I don’t hate it.” Liv shook her head.

“Do you love it?”

“I kinda love it. I love you, Edward.”

“Do you mind saying that again?” he pulled her closer and kissed her.

“I love you. I'm so glad you were here when I came home tonight.”

“This is exactly where I want to be.”

“I think the bedroom is probably a better idea, in case Noah wakes up and wants water or hugs.” Liv said. “At least we’ll be able to duck under the covers so he won't see anything too wild.”

“Do you want a piggyback ride?” he grabbed the remote and turned off the music. They could play some in the bedroom to make the mood nice and mellow.

“Yes!” she laughed. “I really do.”

Ed scooted to the edge of the couch cushion so that he could stand with ease. She'd seen him do it about a thousand and one times with Noah but Liv weighed significantly more than a two and half year old. This wouldn’t be the first time Ed had lifted her but she didn’t want to cause him any pain or injury. Still, her overwhelming need for a piggyback was kind of trumping all of that at the moment.

“Climb aboard, Lieutenant and hold on tight.”

Giggling like a woman half her age, Liv wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist. It didn’t take a lot of effort for Ed to stand but he did struggle a bit leaning over their drinks. He made it though, and soon they were heading into the bedroom to end this long day and wonderful evening with an even more exciting ride.

***


End file.
